ABOUT J #1

So, this is the beginning.

I am truly falling in love. I can’t stop loving him. And I keep wondering. I always prayed to Allah to let me love someone who loves Him. But this situation is completely different. He loves God, but not the same God as mine. Still, I keep hoping that one day he will come back to me, in every possible way, so we can be together.

I once told him, “You know I love you.” And yes, he knows. And I know he loves me too. He always tries to make me happy. He always taking care of me. He is my man.

It has almost been one month since we are no longer together. Every single day during this month, I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t stop loving him. We are no longer talking to each other, unless for work. But our eyes still meet. And eyes don’t lie. We still want to be together.

We actually could still be together. But he knows that I want something serious, and that scares him. Otherside, he loves me so he don't want to ruin me. And I don't want to waste my time. He once said, “It’s not easy for me, but it’s simple.” And yes, I agree. It is simple and clear. I just wish I could heal.

I admit, I’m still crazy about him. I’ve even thought about the other possibilities so we could be together. I started learning about his beliefs. I went to church twice. Once with him, and once by myself. There were moments when I doubted my faith, and that’s why I went to church the second time. But Allah still keeps me close. So I am not going anywhere.

Then I realized that all this time, he has always been Catholic. Even his name sounds very Catholic. Love truly makes us blind. And I was always the one choosing to see the positive side. I once said, “Maybe I’m not destined to be with a devout Muslim. Maybe I’m destined to save a human.”

No matter what, I still hope that one day he will become a Muslim. I said to him, "They don’t know how critical you are that makes me believe you will embrace Islam someday.” And I will always pray to Allah about it. It’s not only about whether we can be together someday. It’s because I love him, and I want him to be among the people of Heaven. I want him to be saved in the afterlife. That’s my my hope.